Better to be a butterfly than learn English .

You know when was the best time to write in English?

Answer is astonishing. 

It was in Shakespeare's time. There were hardly coorect and incorrect spellings.

His own name had  41 spellings and he himself used 5 of them.

God forbid, we are told that root of the problem is the first bible in English language.  About 500 years ago, one was to read it only in Latin and  one can be punished for printing or keeping English version.

So the first bold step was to print it in Germany where people knew very little English.

It was a first ever book for most of the people and it became the sole primer for their reading, writing, and we are bearing the brunt today of those uncorrected prints.

In spoken English today , 

• there are some 43 sounds as against around 50 in European languages . 
• But funnily enough , there about  185 spellings for 43 sounds and children have to learn this. 
• More than 100 words have same spellings 
• About 70 English spellings have more than one pronunciation and as a result about 2,000 words become totally un-decodable! 
• There are about 100 words where pronunciation changes with their context and again , 
• about 370 words  obey the doubling rule and 
• some 380 words  disobey it and finally, 
• the silent letters are just the last straw on the camel’s back.

Generally, it takes about ten years of practice to be a good English speller or speaker. 

Now we know it and must pity them if they are still learning – or admire them if they have learnt it.   

Imagine the plight of about 250 million  users of  Facebook, MSN Messenger and Twitter and add further a few hundred  millions who use SMS or text messages on their cell phones ! No wonder the following parallel NETLINGO spellings are going around in great volume :

CUZ-Because  /  CWOT-Complete Waste Of Time /   CWYL-Chat With You Later /  CX-Cancelled / 

CY-Calm Yourself / 

CYA-See Ya / C

YE-Check your Email / 

CYL-See You Later / 

CYM-Check Your Mail / 

CYO-See You Online / 

CYT-See You Tomorrow / 

D&M-Deep & Meaningful / 

d/c-disconnected / 

DLTM-Don't Lie To Me / 

DMI-Don't Mention It / 

DNBL8-Do Not Be Late / 

DNC-Does Not Compute / 

DND-Do Not Disturb / 

...etc 

• OR

luv U, cant w8t 2C U l8r - love you, can not wait to see you later / 

which 1 of my kdz do U wnt? - which one of my kids do you want?/ 

 IM@wrk - I am at work / 

 ayt – are you there? / 

aisi – as I see it / 

 btw – by the way / 

 ILU – I love you / 

 ruf2t – are you free to talk? / 

 rntuaqt – aren’t you a cutie / 

etc, etc

With thousands of radio messages broadcast every second by aviation and military personnel round the world, with many accents too difficult for the non-natives, we have ended up with PHONETIC / SPELLING ALPHABET 

Letters

Letter	Code word	Pronunciation
A	Alfa	AL FAH
B	Bravo	BRAH VOH
C	Charlie	CHAR LEE
D	Delta	DELL TAH
E	Echo	ECK OH
F	Foxtrot	FOKS TROT
G	Golf	GOLF
H	Hotel	HOH TELL
I	India	IN DEE AH
J	Juliett	JEW LEE ETT
K	Kilo	KEY LOH
L	Lima	LEE MAH
M	Mike	MIKE
N	November	NO VEM BER
O	Oscar	OSS CAH
P	Papa	PAH PAH
Q	Quebec	KEH BECK
R	Romeo	ROW ME OH
S	Sierra	SEE AIR AH
T	Tango	TANG GO
U	Uniform	YOU NEE FORM
V	Victor	VIK TAH
W	Whiskey	WISS KEY
X	X-ray	ECKS RAY
Y	Yankee	YANG KEY
Z	Zulu	ZOO LOO

With all these headaches in spoken and written communication, one day we should not be surprised that more people will turn towards the SIGN LNGAUGE used by the hearing-impaired people. But here also there will be spelling problems. So, perhaps the best option could be "Hieroglyphs" or logograms representing words using graphical figures such as animals, objects or people, used by Egyptians some 5,000 years ago.

Or better still, would be to observe total silence as Hinduism, Buddhism and other eastern religions preach.

Or best of all would be to be born as a star or a butterfly or a flower – I suppose.

Amen!

Tips for the budding writers, published 142 years ago !

Tips for the budding writers, published 142 years ago

BOIL IT DOWN.""

Fix this text

WHATEVER you have to say, my friend,

Whether witty, or grave, or gay,

Condense as much as ever you can,

And say in the readiest way;

And whether you write of rural affairs,

Or particular things in town

Just take a word of friendly advice-

Boil it down.

For if you go on sputtering over a page

When a couple of lines would do,

Your butter is spread so much you see,

That the bread looks plainly through.

So when you have a story to tell,

And would like a little renown,

To make quite sure of your wish, my friend,

Boil it down.

When writing an article for the press,

Whether prose or verse, just try

To utter your thoughts in the fewest words,

And let them be crisp and dry;

And when it is finished and you suppose

It's done exactly brown,

Just look over it again, and then,

Boil it down.

For editors do not like to print

An article lazily long,

And the general reader does not care

For a couple of yards of song;

So gather your wits in the smallest space

If you'd win the author's crown,

And every line you write my friend,

Boil it down.

 (Writer Unknown)

- Published very prominently on page 1 in the top left hand corner. – much to the editor’s delight -  on Thursday, 16^th December 1869 in QUEANBEYAN AGE (established in 1860), published from  New South Wales, Australia . 

And now the coincidence: 

About 39 years later, in the same news paper  dated Friday, 15th May, 1908, the following witty piece was published as a dialogue between a writer and his editor - perhaps unknowingly - using  the title of the above poem printed  in 1869 !

"But," protested the space writer, " perhaps you could use this article if I were to boil it down?"
 "Not at all;" rejoined the blue pencil: 
"if you were to take a gallon of water and boil it down to a 
pint, it would still be water."

The (con)fusion version of English Language for Europe !

The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the EU - rather than German (the other possibility). 


As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5-year phase-in of new rules which would apply to the language and reclassify it as EuroEnglish.


The agreed plan is as follows:


In year 1, the soft c would be replaced by s Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard C will be replaced by 'k . This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter. 


There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ph is replaced by f This will reduse fotograf by 20%.


In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. 


Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e's in the language is disgrasful and they should eliminat them.


By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replasing th with Z and w with v (saving mor keyboard spas).


During ze fifz year, ze unesesary o kan be dropd from vords kontaining ou and similar changes vud of kors be applid to ozer kombinations of leters. 


After zis tifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibil riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.


Ze drem vil finali kum tru!! 

( This or a similarly written  piece is attributed sometimes to anonymity or even Mark Twain. 

But  it seems that the basic source of these anonymous articles  is a piece by a writer named 

 W. K. Lessing (under the pseudonym Dolton Edwards), 

called "Meihem in Ce Klasrum", first published

 in a U.S. magazine called Astounding Science Fiction in 1946) His articles begins like this: (EXTRACT)

First published: 1946
MEIHEM IN CE KLASRUM by Dolton Edwards


    BECAUSE WE ARE STILL BEARING SOME OF THE SCARS OF OUR BRIEF SKIRMISH with II-B English, it is natural that we should be enchanted by Mr. George Bernard Shaw's current campaign for a simplified alphabet.


    Obviously, as Mr. Shaw points out, English spelling is in much need of a general overhauling and streamlining. However, our own resistance to any changes requiring a large expenditure of mental effort in the near future would cause us to view with some apprehension the possibility of some day receiving a morning paper printed in-to us-Greek.


    Our own plan would achieve the same end as the legislation proposed by Mr. Shaw, but in a less shocking manner, as it consists merely of an acceleration of the normal processes by which the language is continually modernized.


    As a catalytic agent, we would suggest that a National Easy Language Week be proclaimed, which the President would inaugurate, outlining some short cut to concentrate on during the week, and to be adopted during the ensuing year. All school children would be given a holiday, the lost time being the equivalent of that gained by the spelling short cut.


    In 1946, for example, we would urge the elimination of the soft c, for which we would substitute "s." Sertainly, such an improvement would be selebrated in all sivic-minded sircles as being suffisiently worth the trouble, and students in all sities in the land would be reseptive to- ward any change eliminating the nesessity of learning the differense be- tween the two letters.) 

Two Poets, Two Poems, Two Continents... one common target..Husband!

Panna Naik (born 1933)  and Judith Viorst ( born 1931) – are two distinguished, octogenarian  lady writer/poets  from two different continents (but now living in one)  and both have written (at least) one poem each on the same subject: how do we in the family / society keep escalating our demands  from  our womenfolk in terms of gearing  up and rising to our expectations , till it culminates into a heart-wringing desperate cry  !

First,  Judith Viorst‘s poem titled  “Self-Improvement Program.”

I’ve finished six pillows in Needlepoint,

And I’m reading Jane Austen and Kant,

And I’m up to the pork with black beans in Advanced Chinese Cooking.

I don’t have to struggle to find myselfPage 6

For I already know what I want.

I want to be healthy and wise and extremely good-looking.

I’m learning new glazes in Pottery Class,

And I’m playing new chords in Guitar,

And in Yoga I’m starting to master the lotus position.

I don’t have to ponder priorities

For I already know what they are;

To be good looking, healthy, and wise.

And adored in addition.

I’m improving my serve with a tennis pro,

And I’m practicing verb forms in Greek,

And in Primal Scream Therapy all my frustrations are vented.

I don’t have to ask what I’m searching for

Since I already know that I seek

To be good-looking, healthy, and wise.

And adored.

And contented.

I’ve bloomed in Organic Gardening,

And in dance I have tightened my thighs,

And in Consciousness Raising there’s no one around who can top me.

And I’m working all day and I’m working all night

To be good-looking, healthy, and wise.

And adored.

And contented.

And brave.

And well-read.

And a marvelous hostess,

And bilingual,

Athletic,

Artistic…

Won’t someone please stop me?

Now Panna Naik (http://pannanaik.com/):

She goes one step further in her poem dares the people around her and declares her independence and says:

I do not wish to be a emotional cuckoo  and keep singing in someone’s  intellectual cage, speak as they wish me to and dance like a serpent when a flute is played before me. I have wings and sky of my own.

I am my own master and then why need I be afraid of some one.

I do not wish to say ‘yes, yes’ and keep accommodating everyone around me, by speaking, walking, dressing, sleeping, socializing, doing everything everything  in exact  measure that has been cut out for me. I do not wish to be a cuckoo  and keep singing in someone’s  cage.

The poem ( in Gujarati) read thus:

Both the poets have excellently expressed their  sensitivity towards the  systematic enslavement of women in the society  under one  guise or the other. May be it is not true for all places and all times but it is most certainly true for several places even today.

As if to help us end this post on a lighter note, the same Judith Viorst has said elsewhere : “ When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the street, I always hope he's dead.”  


And would she so easily let go her man? No way.  Judith writes elsewhere:  I could be such a wonderful wife to another wife's husband.


Perhaps both the lady poets can have a good laugh now!


And finally, time for one and all to chuckle to make the score : Love All!

Englsih Pronunciation - a very pleasant - but pure chaos!

A poem about English pronunciation.

“The Chaos” is a poetically explained , well-known  versified catalogue of  irregularities of English spelling and pronunciation, written by Gerard Nolst Trenité (1870-1946), also known under the pseudonym Charivarius. He was a dutch observer of English. It first appeared in an appendix to the author’s 1920 textbook "Drop Your Foreign Accent: engelsche uitspraakoefeningen." Ironically, while the pronunciation of his own surname is not obvious, he is best known in the English-speaking world for this poem.

(Recommended for Reading it Aloud):

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. 

I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. 

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.) 

Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;  

Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;

One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.

Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet, 

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer. 

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour. 

Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger, 

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury. 

Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual. 

Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late. 

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.

We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label. 

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor. 

Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,  

 Dandelion and battalion. 
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,

Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.  

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.  

Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. 

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?  

It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict. 

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!! 

Let an atheist remain an atheist..

Are you planning to convert some one who does not believe in God ?  

Osho strongly advises “Don’t” . 


We know Mulla Nasrudin as the most witty, inimitable character. But Osho victimizes him here:

A rich farmer had been trying desperately to marry off his daughters. One day he met Mulla Nasrudin.

”I have several daughters,” the farmer told the Mulla. ”I would like to see them comfortably fixed. And I will say this, they won’t go to their husbands without a little bit in the bank, either. The youngest one is twenty-three and she will take Rupees 25,000 with her. The next one is thirty-two, and she will take Rupees 50,000 with her. Another is forty-three and she will take Rupees 75,000 with her.”

”That’s interesting,” said Nasrudin. ”I was just wondering if you have one about fifty years old.

Mulla Nasrudin’s family was upset because the girl he was planning to marry was an atheist. ”We’ll not have you marrying an atheist,” his mother said.

”What can I do? I love her,” the young Nasrudin said.

”Well,” said his mother, ”if she loves you, she will do anything you ask. You should talk religion to
her. If you are persistent, you can win her over.”

Several weeks went by, then one morning at breakfast the young Mulla seemed absolutely brokenhearted.
”What’s the matter?” his mother asked. ”I thought you were making such good progress in your talks
about religion to your young girlfriend.”

”That’s the trouble,” said Nasruddin. "I overdid it.Last night she told me she was so convinced that she is going to study to be a NUN.”